Eleven Burning Questions

  1. Round-edged TowelWhat is the deal with baby towels and washcloths? Are we afraid that actual corners might somehow injure wee little babies? Are towel corners really so sharp? Please, someone, explain this to me because I hate folding round-edged washcloths. (Pictured: Evan in a round-cornered towel — can’t figure out where the corner is? That’s because it’s rounded. He’s holding it in his little hands.)
  2. Why does my husband have a daily battle with his alarm clock? Why? Why why why? I really don’t understand it. I set my alarm for the time I need to get up. When it goes off, I get up. If I don’t actually need to get up at that time, I set it for the time I actually need to get up. This seems so easy to me. So logical. Why play games, folks? This is sleep we’re talking about.
  3. What is marzipan?
  4. Are the folks at school trying to kill me? Why can’t they just announce the fellowship winners already. I called the graduate school and the committee met to make their final decisions on the 28th. That was two goddamned days ago. If I don’t hear today I’m going to take my baby and my attorney (they don’t have to know he’s my husband) and I am going to storm the castle demanding notification.
  5. Can you hurt a baby by staring at him too much?
  6. On a somewhat related note, do you think it does major psychological damage, or that maybe it somehow retards language development, if you sing all three of the following songs to your 5-month-old child: “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star,” “Baa Baa Black Sheep,” and “The Alphabet Song.” Does the fact that they’re all sung to the same tune confuse tiny little infant brains, causing irreversible damage that we won’t see until far down the line? I mean, it seems almost as damaging as, say, replacing original Darrin with more annoying Darrin. I’m fairly certain that I still haven’t recovered from that trauma.
  7. Should I get highlights? I have always prided myself on the fact that I’ve never dyed my hair, but it’s kind of all falling out right now, like in handfuls (give me back my nice juicy pregnancy hormones!!!), and I think Nick Arrojo would tell me to get highlights to give the illusion of depth and while I’m not all for doing everything Nick Arrojo might tell me to do (and let’s forget about Carmindy – she’s not getting near my lips or eyebrows), I saw a picture of my friend Aubrey with her new haircut and highlights and I am kind of coveting them now.
  8. It’s been at least another six minutes since I last checked and there’s nothing. Why hasn’t the grad school emailed me yet? And can you get carpel tunnel from clicking on “Get Mail” too many times?
  9. Did someone spike my oxygen with prozac or vodka or something? I have been in the world’s best mood since Wednesday and no attempts on my part or Evan’s seem to be able to shake it. Could this good mood be permanent?
  10. Why didn’t anyone warn me about cats and babies? No, not that warning. Not the warning that cats will smother, torture, or otherwise kill your baby. I heard that warning. No, I mean why didn’t anyone warn me that you should have your home rid of cats, televisions, leaves outside the window, daddies, and all other distractions before your child turns 5 months old or else you will never get that child to focus on his bottle ever ever again. Have you ever tried to feed a baby sideways? It’s a frustrating, messy event and much formula is wasted and much fussiness ensues if not enough formula has made it into the child’s rumbly, rumbly tummy.
  11. Would you like fries with that?

6 Responses to “Eleven Burning Questions”

  1. I know what marzipan is: sort of an almond confection. I know it mostly from those fancy decorations and little shapes on cakes…it’s good for that. I hear it’s not always a sweet but I definitely associate it as a candy. And with cakes.

    And now I’m hungry and off diet in my thoughts. :)

    They should let you know ASAP about the fellowship. delays are psychologically damaging, more so than singing different words to the same tune.

    As for 10? Forget it. It’s not a baby phase. You will fight the good food fight henceforth. “Sit, eat, don’t play with your food, no cookies aren’t vegetables, eat your dinner, I don’t want to hear you say no and then tell me at bedtime you are starving.”

    Good luck all around.

    Using My Words

  2. #2 really is a burning question. I remember reading on another blog about a marriage in which the husband sets the alarm for ONE HOUR before he needs to get up, so that he can hit snooze SIX times before he gets up. Meanwhile, his wife is wide awake after the very first alarm. That just seems so wrong to me – but hubby seemed to think it was a perfectly legitimate preference. At least in our house it’s a non-issue: we haven’t used an alarm for years since the children never sleep much past seven.

  3. 3 hubby

    1. Because if the corners weren’t rounded then the kid would look like a dunce, or maybe a wizard. Hmmm.
    2. OK. In my own defense….. ok, I don’t have a defense, but that little bit of extra sleep is the best sleep I get all night. We’ve had that discussion, and yes, I’m sorry; I just can’t help it.
    3. If our wedding cakes are any indication, the answer is: pretty. Wait, I don’t even know what marzipan is; i just remember the word coming up around our wedding. Was marzipan actually involved?
    4. Ummm, yeah, they’re killing me, too. But I still love you. And I hope you get it.
    5. No. Most definitely not. Although he might start to think you’re a little weird.
    6. That’s friggin weird.
    7. Wow. Nick. We haven’t talked about him in over a year. If Nick says so… so be it.
    8. Holy crap. And I even took the laptop with me today, so I know you just sat in the office going click. click. click. click. click. click. click. click. click. click. click… wait, it’s the laptop that has single click… sorry. click-click. click-click. click-click….
    9. You’re just all hearts and bunnies.
    10. Evan loves cats.
    11. Only Barley’s.
    12. Why am I watching Harry Potter tonight on TV, while you’re out, when i clearly should be catching up on studying?

  4. B&P — So yeah. Number 2. Grr. Brian’s studying for the New York bar because we’re basically insanely masochistic, so he’s “waking up” at 5:00, which often means hitting snooze twice and then on the third alarm saying, “I don’t even remember it going off twice” and me saying, “yup, it went off twice” and then him apologizing, getting up, and often falling asleep again downstairs while studying. Fun stuff.

  5. Hmm, try #10 while nursing…. fun, fun.

  1. 1 runaway husband « Letter9

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