Press Release


To: Mom and Dad

From: Evan

Re: Being a Big Boy


Older Evan

So, you may have noticed that I am growing a neck. It’s true. I am. I noticed that the older kids at daycare all have necks and I’m growing one now, too. Along with that, I have a few news flashes for you:

(1) The middle nap is over. Gone. You can try to put me down but I will wrestle you and then whine in my crib for more than an hour. Stop trying. I will only take two naps now and neither one of them will occur at 11:45 in the morning.

(2) I’d like to start eating lunch. Since I will no longer be sleeping at noon, I think it’s time we get some solid foods in my belly during the day. Breakfast and dinner are great and all, but I want more.

(3) Suck my boogers out with the booger sucker all you want; I actually think it’s funny. But if you put those nose drops in my nose one more time I absolutely will vomit on you.

(4) Oh, and enough with the formula already. I know I used to eat 40+ ounces a day over the course of seven bottles, but now I want only two bottles, maybe a small third one if I can’t wait for dinner. Let’s try 14 ounces a day. If you give me more I will simply play with the bottle and drool a lot.

(5) I think it’s time for a new car seat. I am getting awfully long and while I don’t know much about car safety and all, it seems like I need a longer one. Get on that.

(6) I’ve flirted with them before but it’s now official: I am in love with earrings. Unless you want a flesh wound, don’t wear ’em.

(7) I’m thinking about getting a tattoo. Just so you know. I’m not asking, just telling, like, as a courtesy. You’re good peeps and I respect you.

That’s it for now. Look for more press releases in the coming months. Until then, be well, parents, and take good care of me. I’m the future, baby. Yes I am.


5 Responses to “Press Release”

  1. 1 dad

    Thanks, kiddo. I’ll have my people call your people to schedule tickles. Or are we beyond that now?

  2. 2 dad

    Oh yeah. I know you love your mom and all, but FYI: getting “mom” tattooed on your arm just ain’t as cool as it used to be.

  3. Let’s all have a moment of silence for the dropped nap, shall we?


    It’s so sad to see those naps go away.

    If you’re looking for a good car seat, I highly recommend the Britax line. They’re expensive, but also some of the best made car seats on the market.

    And hey, is that the bread pan I see?

  4. 4 Mom

    Sorry, Jul, but your son is much more intelligent than you ever where at that age. How does something like that skip so many generations?! It must be a very recessive gene, or from hubby’s side.

    P.S. I know some great tattoo parlors around here for your visit….Mom is definately out, but if I know Evan, he is jonesing for an “I love Grandma” tat. Evan, I’ll take you while Mommy naps….shhhhh.

    P.P.S. I can’t wait to see your neck! Congrats!


  5. 5 dad

    I know that looks like an ordinary bread pan, but no, alas, that is a baby drum!! Playable by anything he can grasp. He can’t use a spoon to feed himself (which I find strange, frankly, because he can find his mouth with ANYTHING but a spoon), but a spoon makes a great baby drum stick.

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